About Adam

These are a few posts I took off our family blog (which is private) and I copied and pasted it to put it on this one. These are my personal thoughts during the time that Adam passed away. This was during the time we lived in Oregon when John was in school. It's good to read in a way, because I do remember the Spirit I felt. And the conformation we received that it was his time to go. Feel free to read if you wish!

Needing Prayers

So some of you know that my older brother Adam has a brain tumor. It's not lethal...it's benign. It just is sitting on top of the left part of his brain, and it causes him to have minor seizures throughout his every day life. He's able to take medication for it so the seizures won't be so bad, but he still gets them. Anyway, for the past few days he's had a bad migraine...and it just got worse and worse. He was in so much pain, and he was throwing up a lot! So finally my parents took him to the emergency room and a lot happened when he was there. He had (close to) a Grand Mal Seizure. And he was still in so much pain.

So finally they gave him a dose of morphine, and it didn't do anything. And a while later he was still in pain...so they gave him another dose of morphine. He was still in pain! But then not too long after that he eventually just passed out and they figured the morphine had finally kicked in. The problem was...it all kicked in at once apparently. So last night they couldn't get him to wake up. His heart was stable, but his blood pressure kept going up high...then down low. And he wasn't breathing great because of all the fluid in his lungs. So they sent him up to the ICU, and they've got him on a breathing tube...but apparently as of this morning they still haven't been able to wake him up. They call it a "morphine coma."

So now he's stable, but in a morphine coma! It's hard not to be there for him right now...or be there for my family! But all we can do here is just pray that he'll be okay! So any prayers from anyone right now would be appreciated! Thanks everyone!


Updates

There's not too much to report on Adam! At least not good news. He's pretty much the same, but now there's swelling in the left/back part of his brain. Which is close to where the tumor is. So he is still unconcious, his blood pressure is still going up and down constantly, and he still has the breathing tube.

They said he's now in a "spindle coma," which I don't really know much about. I looked it up, but the internet wasn't much help today. I think it's just a normal coma that isn't brought on by major trauma! But other than that, I just don't know! My family isn't holding it together very well, so I'm wishing I was there. If it gets worse, there's a chance I might just fly down there by myself. Not really sure at this point. But they are going to do another MRI today and get more information on the swelling in the brain. The tough part is that he could be in this coma for a week, two weeks, or more...who knows! But they said there's a good chance he could have brain damage if he does wake up. Ugh! Not sure what to feel at this point...I put his name on the temple prayer roll! But I just feel helpless...but so does the rest of my family, and they are there with him.

Anyway, I'm just rambling now! Keep sending prayers his way!

October 28, 2008
Adam
A lot has happened in a matter of the two days that I've been in Utah. Two days has felt like 2 weeks. It's hard to express exactly how I'm feeling, but I'll try. Since I gave the last update, things progressively got worse for my brother Adam. They performed emergency brain surgery because he had a lot of swelling. I'm not sure if I mentioned that he had two strokes while in the hospial as well. It was pretty much one problem after the other.

When I first arrived to the hospital and walked in the room, I never expected it to be that hard to see my brother hooked up to so many different tubes and machines. He was completely dependant on life support. And within the two days I was here he got a fever, blood clots...you name it, he got it. With all these emotions, there was also a very sweet spirit in the room. I guess before Adam fell into a coma, my brother Aaron was whispering in his ear, "Be strong, you've gotta keep fighting..." And Adam just said, "I can't anymore Aaron...I just can't." Adam has dealt with the issues of this tumor for about 9 years now. Every year they took a scan, and the results came out positive. (meaning the tumor wasn't growing) And for whatever reason...this past year it has grown to cover a 1/4 of his brain. He just couldn't fight it anymore.

So after a lot of prayers, fasts, etc. we knew what Adam wanted. Yesterday was the hardest, but most incredible day. After a very very long day, we all stood together around his bedside...while my dad, the stake president and my brother gave Adam a blessing. In the blessing it said, "You've served your mission here on this earth, and now it's time for you to serve your next mission." The spirit was so strong, I can't even describe. We all knew it was his time to go. So today, after another long morning...we sat there while they performed all the necessary tests to make sure there was no more brain activity. And after all the tests, they took him off life support. And at 11:07 today, my brother passed away. And we knew that his spirit was there in the room with us.

Again, it's hard to express everything that went on these last few days. All I can say is that Adam is where he needs to be. He will be so missed. And if I can take anything away from the last 48 hours, it's that I know the Gospel is true! I know that Heavenly Father loves all of us so much! Thank you all for your concern and prayers...I know I felt the blessings and the love!

We will be having a funeral for Adam on Saturday. John will be flying down on Friday, while Kerry and Kuhn (John's parents) watch the girls until Sunday when we come back home. I miss my girls...but I'm glad I'm here.


Back home again
Well after one of the longest weeks of my entire life, I have returned back home! It all seems like a bad dream or something. But we had the viewing for my brother on Friday night, and that was exhausting. And then on Saturday we had his funeral. The funeral was wonderful! I spoke first, and then a family friend spoke after a musical number. In his talk he mentioned how we don't have to be perfect in order to get back to heaven. And he talked a lot about the Atonement, and pretty much how much our Heavenly Father and Jesus loves us! It made everyone go away feeling so good. Which is rare coming from a funeral. But we did feel better...it brought a lot of closure.

So then we went to the cemetery, and they had the color guard there! It was one of the most touching things I've ever seen. There were three of them. One played the trumpet while the other two folded the flag that was on Adams casket. Everything was perfectly choreographed while they folded it. And then one of them came over to my mom and knelt down at her feet. Then he said, "This flag is presented on behalf of a grateful nation and the United States Army as a token of appreciation for your loved one's honorable and faithful service. God bless you and this family, and God bless the United States of America. It is an honor to present this flag to you." then he stood up and saluted my mom! It was so cool.

Anyway, then after we all went to a luncheon put on by the Relief Society. When we got home, we were all so tired. It was about 6:00 in the evening and we were all ready for bed. Then we realized we had to set the clocks back...so that put the evening off even longer. But Sunday morning we spent time with family, and then John and I flew back to Oregon. Kerry (John's mom) picked us up and she had the girls with her. Once I saw the car, I started losing it! And then when we opened the doors and saw how happy the girls were to see us, I just started bawling. Gwen asked, "Mommy, why are you so sad?" And I had to tell her I wasn't sad, I was sooooo happy to see them! I love my family!!!

Anyway, so now we're getting back into the groove of things. It'll take a while for us to get over what has happened this last week, but at least we know that one day we'll see Adam again! Thanks again for all of your prayers and your concern! We're so blessed to have such good friends as all of you!