2 weeks

It's been 2 weeks today since I had my surgery! Some moments I feel like I haven't made any improvement (pain wise)...but that's because we tend to forget the pain. So, yes...I have come far! Everything is less painful. I still have a good amount of pain when I sit down. So, I rarely sit without my little handy donut. Last night was my first outing-we ate at a restaurant and I still had to bring my donut to sit on. Ugh! But I am grateful for how far I've come.

I had to go to the doctor once again last Thursday...and I actually drove myself. It was a hard moment because I had just me and my music and the first lyrics I heard was from a Glee song. It said, "So I'll throw up my fists. Throw a punch in the air. And accept the truth, that sometimes life isn't fair..." And just hearing those words just made me turn into a blubbering baby! I have everything in the world to be grateful for! I have an incredible husband with three perfect and beautiful kids! I have so so so much! But there's thing little sting that I know will go away with time. It was an answer to a prayer to find out I needed this surgery, but it still stings! It stung when I was sitting in the doc's office surrounded by pregnant women rubbing their cute little belly's! It stung when Gwen told me she wishes I could have another baby! It stings...and it might for a while. I just need to let myself heal inside and out!

The last few days have been more physically painful than emotional! Until yesterday when Noah was up from his nap and he was reaching his hands up for me to hold him. I felt so bad! All I want in the world right now is to pick him up and hold him. I have this irrational fear that by the time 4 weeks comes along, he won't want to be held by me anymore. 6 weeks without standing and holding my baby! It's killing me! So Kerry ended up getting him out and then him and I snuggled in bed for a while. That was what I needed. He still needs his momma! Whether I can hold him or not, he needs me!

I love my kids and I love my hubby! And I am so darn grateful for the mom's in my life that have come over to help me these last two weeks. Tonight Kerry goes home and I am on my own. I'm a little scared, but it'll be fine! I will be fine! Er...at least I just keep telling myself that! :)

My OB reminded me of how much he actually did to me! He said it's almost like I got hit by a MACK truck!
haha...he told me to give myself a break and stop feeling like I have to do more than I can...or should! So, I'm trying to do better at staying flat and resting! Thanks again to everyone who have helped, brought over treats, etc. I feel so blessed!